I don't know what to do about this little love triangle I have gotten myself into. I don't even know how it happened. I was all fine and dandy with being single, although still looking for any prospective candidates and then guy #1 comes along. You know.... we hang out, go to dinner a few times, you know normal stuff. Well then he tells me that he's not really looking for a realtionship right now. Well now I'm thinking thats just great. I find someone that I like and am interested in and it's not going to work. So I begin to try to give up and quickly find that not working. So I try to go along and just kinda forget about him. No not going to work. We have by this point established a great friendship and just continue to see each other. He was sending me mixed signals and by this point had my feelings on a giant emotional roller coaster. One day it was all good and then the next day it was like he hated me. I never knew what to think. By the time I had myself talked into giving up then everything turned around again. Most of it had to do with the fact that it was mid semester and stress was just soaring through everyone at this point.
Well then here comes guy # 2. He is awesome. I had class with him. We talked and studied together sometimes. Well then I start to realize that he might be crushing on me a little bit. Since we started out as friends, I had already talked to him about guy #1 and the situation I was in. He was really nice about it and just listened. So eventually he asked me out and at this point I said yes. Well it was right before Christmas break so we were going to wait till we came back. I thought that the break would help me figure out which direction I wanted to go in. Yeah right!! At first I didn't think that anything would evolve with guy #2 so I told him that I wasn't over guy # 1 and didn't want to lead him on, but at the same time I didn't want to push him away. I know that was so selfish of me. So of course we continue to talk and I continued to weigh the facts of each guy and what I needed to do. One day I would feel like guy #1 and one day guy #2 and back and forth I went. I kept trying to tell guy #2 that I didn't think I could give up guy #1 and that It probably wasn't going to work and I just didn't want him to waste his time hanging around for me. I know that is definitly not what any guy wants to hear.
So.....hear I am...
Not only do I like guy #1 a lot, but he helped me so much last semester. He lit that fire back under my tail that helped me make the grades I did. For some reason I just feel so motivated by him. He's older than me so he has some worldly experience. It's so insprirational to me that he actually has goals and has everything about him devoted them. There's just something about him I don't know how to describe it. I feel so comfortable around him. I just have so much fun being around him and can't stand being away from him. At first he came across as an ass so some of my friends don't like him but most of them do.
And behind door number 2 we have guy #2. He is awesome. He is sweet, attractive, and I have so much fun being around him. I do like him, I'm just not sure if it's on that realtionship level that he wants. When we hang out it's kinda awkward. It's not that I don't feel comfortable around him, it's just i feel like I am hiding something from him.
This is all so new to me. I have never had to be the heart breaker. I don't know how to tell him that I just want to be friends. I don't want to break his heart but I can't continue to let this go on. I haven't just been leading him on this whole time. I thought something might eventually become of it but now I just think It won't. I would absolutlely love to be friends with him. I just don't know how to tell him, but I have got to figure it out and FAST!! I can't keep going on like this. I am NOT that girl. It breaks my heart everytime I think about hurting him. He is such a sweet guy, but he deserves more than what I've got to offer right now.